Ye so I am going to be random, impolite, offensive and rant my creamy throbbing man organ off. Starting… NOW. *Gunshot*

 

-People are so fucking stupid they drive me to insanity.

Close minded fucks that have no idea what they are on about seem to be the most opinionated. How about sit the fuck down, shut your overly-used-air-hole, and stop contaminating the already ignorant world with words that obviously have no meaning- considering the source.

 

Oh and FYI a conversation is a verbal exchange of thoughts, opinions, and sentiments, not a fucking monologue. So if you get questioned and you cant back what your saying up.. Then why fuck, why are you speaking? When you could spend this time listening and learning a valuable thing or two so the next time you open your unarticulated trap you can say something that wont result in embarrassment or projectile vomiting.

 

-So about these pants that look like they were stolen from an animated 1992 Aladdin - *switches to Aladdin, looking furious and slightly fashionable*. Why are these popular? They hurt my eyehole and quite frankly should be burned along with anything containing the word 'Bieber' (this exceptional blog excluded) & tripe. FUCK TRIPE, AHHHH I HATE IT, if u want something chewy that fails to decompose in your mouth, there's a lovely product available - GUM. & its not.. and here's the best bit..masticated cow stomach! *shudders* *shudders* wait for it.. *shudders*

 

*shudders*

 

- So whores that are unaware they are whores – YOU. ARE. A. WHORE. *points directly at the stretch-marks around mouth* you dig? Jeebus.. its not too hard to tell.. Is there a penis in you at the moment? Is it different to the penis in your mouth? Kay these are the first symptoms of a syndrome I like to call disease-infested-whore-itus.

 

*yawn* I'm done for tonight, but stay tuned, thanks for reading, I've been great.

 

 

So its beeeeen ages and a bit. FUCK. So much to tell, so little blog-space. Mm

Met a few people, moved a few times, changed a little here and there, much has happened. But I won’t burden you with the boring moments, let’s get to the good stuff!

Em. Sitting here in my new home – been here for nearly a month now. How did it happen? LET ME TELL YA. Sit YO ASS DOWN MOTHERFUCKER.

 

*smiles innocently* It allll started on a rainy day… about a month ago, ( who woulda FUNK? Vancouver does not equal SNOW AND MONEY but RAIN AND PEANUTS. HAHHA its very pretty though, nawww *hugs Vancouver, holds it tight to the bosom*

YOUR PRETTY , YES U ARE,, YES U ARE!

 

Anywho we were living in a basement apartment – not too much privacy.. yada yada yada, we needed to move out in 2 weeks. I took a joint to work one day.. just coz I can. – IM IN CANADA>. I can do whateverthefuck I want. WOOT. Anywhoo. I am at work stressing bout finding a place, and I spot a dude working opposite me at the gestation ( I work in a restaurant in the gasstation. So very americannOooe haha. Anyway.. I asked .. hey I know you don’t know me , but I got a joint wanna smoke after work? To which he replys, YEAH i finish at 10 30 pm. –

Moments after-

We light the doobieee out side of work, smoking our lungs away.. we are both considerably high- and at this point im living in the basement apartment so I have to walk 20 min uphill home- emm.. not good high. – I mention we gotta move out, he mentions he pays to much for a place he is never in ( he works 2 jobs) – He suggests we move in, split the pay. To which I say SURE! And we are here now for nearly A month, clearly we are 420 friendly all up in this joint HA. So yeah, lets just say me , My boy Andres and Kamran get along  just fine. Ha.

 

WOOT, fuck you world. I made it.

 

Tune in next week.

*fuzzy sound*

 

I can bake my brownie and eat it too!

 

xP

I'm walking to my first day of work, down a shitty hill. I cross the park so I save time !... walking I realize.. its really muddy and I have to walk down a hill to get to my workplace. I step down into the hill and my foot slides away into the mud taking my body weight down with it, FUCK. I get up, COMPLETELY covered in mud. Not the “ oh that's nothing, just a little something on your arm “ my entire ass, legs, hands, jacket, pants and bag. Oh and the poor shoes... there still outside my house taking a break from life. 

Anyway. I stand up, feeling completely stupid and useless... ( take into consideration I am still up the hill and have to either walk up it or down it to get out of the park in itself. I go to walk up, ANDDDD SHE SLIPS AGAIN! Same fucking way too, AHHH ...I start swearing, I try and get up one more time and FALL A 3rd TIME, MENTAL DEFECTIVE I AM. I look around to see if anyone is around, if any one has witnessed this pathetic-embarrassing- grotesque-yet-cute-moment. I don't see anyone and swear profusely, I LET IT RIP!!       

then after some hesitation I walk as much as I can to a flat surface, ruffle through my bag with my muddy hands, find my bosses NUMBER & call up MR-BOSSMAN... or soon to be boss if I get my muddy ass in there. * phone rings, I swear under my breath while its ringing looking at my disgusting brown self *

Mr-boss-man- Hello larry speaking

Mudbutt- Uh hello, its Rocio

Mr-boss-man- sorry?

Mudbutt- its rohh siii ohhh

Mr-boss-man- oh, how are you doing rocio?

Mudbutt- well, um I just fell... down a hill and im literally drenched in mud, I dont really know what to do?

Mr-boss-man-* laughs hard * oh, are you okay? As long as your okay.

Mudbutt- yeah * laughs * I'm fine im just muddy-as, do you want me to come in and clean myself up?

Mr-boss-man- no, no its fine, just come in on Wednesday, & we will start training then!

and take care walking ..ha.

Mudbutt- yah, ha, ha, will do boss, see you Wednesday.

Mr-boss-man- ha bye!

So I look around, look at my muddy hand, phone, ass, feet, jacket, bag and sigh. I have a 20 min walk home. Oh did I mention UPHILL? Yeah. So ...muddy ass , walking up hill. But yeah im kinda laughing all the way home. So it's somewhat enjoyable until, I touch my ass and have mud allova my self! So I walk, the walk of shame home, muddy as hell, with a smile on my face, and oh yeah sweating too. 20 min, 15 uphill!= gross.

- what a way to get off work!

* smiles, bowes, walkes happily offstage, slips in mud, 'FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUCK 'curtains close *

Okay short and sweet blog, in short- I HEART CANADA. Yes its true. WOoOOT.

On our fourth day here of the free week accommodation we had at a mad awesome hostel… we actually found our own place and moved in a few days later. Now we have a uber cool apartment 10 min from the city , AND check this fuckers… I am going to be working at the winter Olympics of 2010!!! YYEAHHH. How awesome am i? LEME HEAR AND OHH YEAH. *awaits eagerly* fukya.

I just want to find a nice retail job for the time being. That would rock major socks n shit.

 

Speaking of socks… FUCK… this place is effing cold. I came out of the airport and it was mild… 4 hours later… FREEZING. Now….. NUMBING hahah. But it still rocks, its part of it, the ground has frost and ice on it, the autum leaves are half brown half white, sooo pretty. I have taken AMAZING FOTOS. *proud face* quite damn proudededed. Oh and I cut ma hair :D hahah I did it yesterday, basically reli short front, but longish at the bak yay. I have to upload some photos,, ooo mite do that 2dai.. we will c.

This hostel comp is $1 for half an hour, so if it randomly cuts off while I’m talking to u on msn. U know why.

I fully love this white lil hat thing I bought. It’s sooooo pretty. THE shop next door. HOLY SHIT . as soon as I get some serious income. That’s where I will be. Buying all the clothes and shoes.

This is a pretty shitty blog, but its more of an update !

 

UPDATEY.

Comment or die in 5, 4, 3, 2 … BBEEEEP.

So for all who have heard down the grapevine… YES IM OFF TO CANADA FOR A YEAR. how fucking crazy is that. THAT’S BONKERS. *both eye balls roll in different directions in a funny way, causing giggles in back row*

 

I’m leaving in like 12 days …well 13 but I don’t like that number xD. AND IM FREAKING THE JIZZ OUT. If your reading this, and your in Sydney… come to my farewell… it’s on the 20^th of this month, at bondi at 7:30.. until.. your high dies ahahah. ITS BYO drugs & alco… but the companionship is free… well…after 10 30 its $2.50 per 5^th millisecond. Woot. Making some serious COIN!.

 

IM STRESSED. You have not seen Rocio so stressed. I see a repetitive image of my shoulder being weighed down by a heavy firearm; the bullet is propelled by the contained deflagration of an explosive compound, shooting out and exploding into mini killing creatures resulting in the death of thousands of incompetents around the globe. Its quite a perverse image but, being perverse, it suits quite nicely *winks at self in mirror, mirror image gives me the finger, I smash mirror, blood everywhere, blood forms mini satanic figure, broken glass forms angel-like-figure, they consummate their love and fly into my ear*

 

My ear is itchy. *Grabs rifle, fires a single projectile with the slow yet seductive pull of the trigger.* hahaha. Don’t worry I’m not fucked… well not the fucked your thinking, I just like the firearm terminology …sounds so awesome! YES IT DOES FUCK YOU.

 

Canada seems cool, even though I’m scared fuckless, I am still very excited and kinda can’t wait? There’s weed smoking cafes there… need I say more? Hahah I sound drugfucked.. Dear friends, far from it. I’ts just nice to enhance life now and then, JEW NO WA I MEAN HOMI? No? *slaps* DUUUGGGE << slap sound.

I’ts going to be COLD, I mean crazy cold… like wearing everything I own everyday?… bathing in the pot with the boiling eggs?... sitting IN the fireplace not fireplace adjacent?… using your mum 24/7 to keep warm… you know? That sorta cold. *sighs*

I am going to see snow! How awesome is that, It’s going to be one of those Christmas’ you see in movies, with the assholes singing carols and little adopted jerry goes door knocking shaking his snowball glass globe thing! AHHH HOW COOL. Haha cool get it, like cold, coz its snow.

 

BYE

 

 

Truth be told straight up LADS!? I'm HHAAIGH high high nigger pie. Wow I back-spaced that word like 6 times coz I felt bad coz I don't say that word, so I felt bad I wrote it. WOAH intense.

 

Okay I'm drinking the maddest cold coffee.. Anyway I was in the kitchen making this coffee when I thought OO I can blog. I was thinking of things I could blog about and then I thought of this genius plan!!? I thought of blogging about embarrassing things about me, since I always complain about others, I might complain about me. WOW sorry, it is so much harder then I thought to fucking type rite now, how Hard.

 

Okay heres a few embarrassing ones…

 

I thought when girls drank milk; it went straight to their bOobs.

I couldn't say omelet in English until 4 years ago.

I get bitten like a motherfucker by mosquitoes, I hate them. HAHAH <<toes.

I used to stress the fuck out when I talked or got talked to on msn.

I see people that originally see dead people.

My name means 'morning due-Rocio' in Spanish.

I just blacked out and wrote stuff in my diary.

I once pushed a pull door. GAHAH

I really love people reading my blogs and hearing about it.(feels like all u ppl reli now me, and still like me yay)

 

 

Okay I want to draw now, really bad Ooo. I might upload it here when I'm done ahahha. TUNE IN!

 

ToOodles.

SO its been like a thousand and 34.5 years since my last entry
&& chances are no one is going to read this, but FOoOk IT! I rule.
I am an angry little prick truth be told & more so at this very moment,
so what better to do then blog ma white ass off.! YYEAYYYYYEE.

People are fucking shit, its in their nature
 ( i love how i say 'their' like I am not one of them)
I'm just chilaxing, that's how i dO! listening to some awesome tun-age,
reminiscing back on some not so good moments... wish i could change thoughts
as easily as i can change tunes.

Wishing is useless, lets do!              DONE.

so this one time i was on a swing at a nearby park,
SHITTY little park, all it has is 2 swings and a seeeeeSAAAAOOW.
swinging my ass off i go to do the incredibly popular jump-off-moving-swing move, and uh,
I fail tragically.  -next thing i know my body has succesfully departed from the seat,
while my right foot, full of outrage and persistence is managing to do the impossible-
hold on, to the STILL MOVING swing, dragging my body along with it for an extra 4 swings,
then my daft foot realizes,FUCK ME WHERES THE REST OF THE GANG, time to let go.
& then i was completely OFF the swing, ON the floor and IN a lot of much deserved pain.
Yep. and guess what G? At the very moment of this embarrassing escapade, 2 young boys
walk past staring at me, laughing. I tried to force a giggle out but it sounded more like a fart
which suited my skirt- up,- head- on -floor, -blood- rushing -to -face position. SUCCESS!

*stops to listen to awesome song, sings along, sighs and continues*

I was selling Magic worms to kids/adults/imbeciles for the last 3 weeks.
Basically whats done is, an extremely ..to the point of agitating, string is tied to the nose
of a fluffy worm and put on a card is placed down my pants, LIKE YA MUMS HEAD muahaha.
& when i move it moves as well. Pretty dam trippy i must admit, speshhhhh if your baked as a cookie
on new years at that bakery everyone goes to for the good pies.

I was selling these suckers in Mt DRUITT.holy fuck scrap. these people are lower beings,
who appear not only to have not evolved completely, but who are ALL pregnant at the same fucking time,
I saw a kid , yeh a kid, preggo, holding a 4 month yr old baby like its a fucking bag of potatoes,
the poor babies head was flopping round like a flaccid one, and the mum is totally oblivious, chewing her disgusting gum with her mouth 167 inches
open ..looking at the worms,
"WOAH thats tripppY AYEEE? shayyllaa loook at the wooooorm", i was about to shove the worm forcibly in her mouth
make her swallow it and pull the string till it ran up her esophagus again, dumb bitch.
WHY FUCKING PROCREATE WHEN YOUR SO FUCKING STUPID, not to mention 2 yrs old, wait till your mature enough
to undress you dumb sluts, or at least use contraception, glad wrap if needed! or just do it from behind, just don't
bring more fucking kids into this life, that have to look up to you, you retarded excuse for a human/mother.

ahhh... mount fucking druitt.  should be called mount do it. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH JUST THOUGHT OF THAT, get it
coz they're all doing it, and having excessive babies?

later.

 

i just had a night out with my sister AND her beloved friends. Let me describe my sibling in a few words: My opposite.

Oh and conservative, nerdy, strict, passive aggressive, high maintenance, bitchy & uptight. Yes she has some splendid, dandy characteristics but who gives a flying MOTHERFUCK?. I don’t. Now… my sister being her, the people she hangs out with are similar and therefore not my idea of friends. I had a night out with 5 of them AND my sister included. Fuck me sideways with a safteypin. It hurt. It was painful. She turned a night out, into a night-mare. *says like commercial* while we sat at dinner talking about pure horseshit- a bubble hovered over my head and it contained a 10mm semi-automatic pistol, including silencer zooming in and out of view.

 

After dinner, the amazing shit of a night continued with a movie. Yah, like eating with these things wasn’t enough, now I have to sit through 2 hours of a chick flick with chicks that relate to chick flicks AHHH GO JUMP OF A CLIFF INTO WATER FILLED WITH SERINGES AND KNIVES. We watched “his just not that into you” ..........DUH, YOUR RETARDS. The girls in this movie or at least the main one is a fucking pathetic nut-job. She defines and is the epitome of what I abhor in women, she chases men, believes “his gonna call” and blinds herself daily instead of controlling them. FUCKKKK!!! Get a life. & what kills it MORE, my sister and her friends are whispering through out the whole thing talking bout BULLSHIT, about stupid things you just don’t mention during a fucking movie, they would OHHH and OOOO and AWWW when stuff happened!!!! What is this shit???? FUCKING MENTAL DEFECTIVES. Then as soon as it finishes I look to my left, my sister and her friend are chatting away discussing their similarities to the character and how they don’t want their boyfriends to see a movie with scarlet Johansson in it because she’s hot. Ohh..KAY? Then I turn right and hear the other three talking about how funny it was and other stupid shit. I seriously looked straight ahead and sunk into the chair depressed with life until they decided they were ready to talk about the same shit outside the cinema. I went to the toilet, pissed, came out, and went to the car park, then my sis dogs me and makes me get a ride with one of her friends I barely talk to who is 7 years older than me. UH? THANKS SIS!

 

OH WHAT A NIGHT!

Retards will be retards, my sis will be my sis and I will be a whiny angry blogger.

Sincerely

 

Rocio

 

So im high off my tits on marijuana/ganja/cannabis and im lying on a gate/fence roof (high in the air on a roof while being high MUAHAHA it rocks) staring at my friend who coincidently *shocked face* is elevated also. Im tripping major testies and wondering why my life is the way it is, im fucking paranoid because the last time I got high I was so motherfuckwanking high I was seeing myself see myself see myself ! YEAH, its confusing to say it, let alone feel it, GUAO!. "whats up?" friend replys- "im high". We are in the dark, tree and nature adjacent. on drugs. Yah. Pretty kreeezi. I start seeing shapes in the trees and the gaps between them, I start describing them and creating a perfect verbal depiction so my friend can endeavor to identify with what I have in front of me and how imaginative I am to see it, as im describing… he sees it too, and illustrates it in more detail than me- so I know his not bullfucking, were both seeing the same thing( most probably pure horseshit), HIGH, this goes on for several minutes- 60 or 70 of them, all of which completely saliva-less, hungry and way to slow to get off this fence contraption and walk home to where our thirst could be quenched and hunger satisfied, but it was far too fun being totally pathetic, and we wouldn't want to risk getting eaten by the pink and purple glittered unicorns eating liver dick beneath us, their white fur merely a masquerade to veil the devil-like manifestation they truly represent, they wanted our genitals, and we would not comply. So we lay on the fuckn` fence yo!. Next thing I retain information from is the slow yet beautiful realization of just having climbed down the fence, & feeling mighty proud. *CUT* we are somehow at the bottom of his apartment lying on the floor trying to find shapes in the sky and walls. *CUT* im in my preferred sleeping apparel and were consuming food I had previously cooked. SHIBBY!! *CUT* we are laughing about being high, while still under the influence of ganjalooni and wondering how we got to his house *CUT* sleep, MM sleep.*CUT* im in France fucking the French maid while she dusts the statue were laying on. GUAO!. What a night! *CUT*